\u201cFolk often have the reaction that \u201coh that doesn\u2019t happen\u201d, or \u201cthat doesn\u2019t happen anymore\u201d. They think it must be super formal and rigid, that you turn up at a place that says \u201cconversion therapy\u201d on the door. That it happens in religious summer camps in America, or like Alan Turing. There are all forms of conversion therapy, more extreme ones, and other more subtle ones that might not appear to be conversion therapy on the surface. With me it was done at the hands of one of my parents.<\/p>\n
When I came out as gay, I was told \u201cno you are not\u201d. My parents have a very literal fundamentalist understanding of their religion, where they truly believed homosexuality to be a mortal sin. From the age of 13, I was told that being gay isn\u2019t an option. I was specifically told \u201cI don\u2019t have a gay son, you can either be my son, or be gay, but you can\u2019t be both\u201d. The morning after, they had got me a bible with a post-it note on it with all the readings about homosexuality needing eternal punishment on them.<\/p>\n
I was isolated from other people, I was not allowed to come out to anyone else, I wasn\u2019t allowed to speak to anyone else. They wanted to contain it, basically. Things like prayer sessions, bible readings, fasting, making deals with God. I was constantly asked throughout my childhood, \u201cyou know your still not allowed to be gay\u201d, or \u201cyou are still keeping up with that?\u201d<\/p>\n
No-one prayed harder than I did, or did more, or tried harder than I did too not be gay anymore. I gave it everything I possibly could, up to the point of almost dying. I really wanted it to work, initially. It sounds silly, but I felt like if I couldn\u2019t do it, it\u2019s not going to happen.<\/p>\n
As time went on, I knew it wasn\u2019t going to work, my mental health was getting increasingly worse, and I thought I need to make a plan on how to survive this, else I won\u2019t make it to 18.\u201d<\/p>\n
End of document.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"