{"id":26270,"date":"2024-10-23T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-10-23T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.alliance-scotland.org.uk\/humansofscotland\/?p=26270"},"modified":"2024-10-17T11:23:21","modified_gmt":"2024-10-17T10:23:21","slug":"ashleys-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.alliance-scotland.org.uk\/humansofscotland\/ashleys-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Ashley’s story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cOne day I got a phone call from the doctor, just asking me to go up and see him. I never put two and two together. I just went up on my own, not even with my partner at the time. And I was pregnant. The doctor says to me, \u2018the partner that you’re with now, ever since you’ve met him, can you honestly say that that’s the only person that you have had a sexual relationship with?\u2019, and I said, \u2018Definitely yes\u2019, and he said, \u2018I’m really sorry to tell you, but he\u2019s passed on HIV to you\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had known about HIV for a while, because my uncle and auntie both had HIV. Sadly, my auntie had passed away, and I had heard rumours she was taken away in a black bag because of her status. When I was diagnosed, I was worried those things would happen to me. I was told that I would only live for ten years, and that terrified me, even now. I still think of every year since ten years as an achievement, and when I get sick I worry that it\u2019s the HIV.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My partner Billy got tested on the 14th of November in 1996, and he was HIV positive, and it was the following year in June that he hung himself, just after his birthday. I really wish he\u2019d told me how he was feeling, because there was help there, but I feel it was guilt he couldn\u2019t handle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still love Billy and I know that he\u2019s there waiting for me one day. He\u2019s the one person that never hurt me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m proud of myself because I\u2019m doing well with everything. My HIV status is fine. I do keep in touch with my doctors, and I do go for all of my appointments. But it\u2019s the mental side of HIV that\u2019s more difficult than the physical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ll be honest, I’ve kind of reclused myself now. I don\u2019t trust anyone, I can\u2019t trust anyone, but that’s not because of the HIV, it\u2019s just because of my life after becoming HIV positive. When I meet someone, I feel like I have to tell them my status, and I get really nervous about their reaction. The partners I\u2019ve had, they\u2019ve ended up controlling my brain and my life basically, and that’s how I came across Terrence Higgins Trust and I thought \u2018this is all going to come to an end with my ex-partner\u2019. He\u2019s not HIV positive, but he basically said, \u2018you’re never going to find anybody else, you’re lucky to have me because I know you\u2019ve got HIV\u2019, you know? I\u2019ve got a lot of help and support on my side for that situation, through Terrence Higgins Trust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, there\u2019s a gentleman at Terrence Higgins Trust who\u2019s not been coming out of his house, he\u2019s been kind of reclusive himself, just like me. My support worker Julie has been trying to get him out and about. So, she thought \u2018the best person I can think of to do this would be Ashley\u2019. I am strong, and so, I said, \u2018You know what, I’m gonna do it for you Julie. I\u2019m going to do it for this person more than anything\u2019. So, I went down to the office, I got myself dressed and did my hair, and I went in and said to him, \u2018Do you want a hug?\u2019, and he went, \u2018Go on then\u2019. I gave him a big hug, and he just goes, \u2018You have really just made my day\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He got about seven hugs that day. He wants to come out and meet again, but it’s just little steps at a time, but to do things like that makes me feel good inside, it really does. Before I get more involved, I need to sort my own psychological health and my grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a lot of bad dreams, but recently I’ve been able to interpret them. So, I just have this dream. I’ve been having it for years, where in your dreams you’re trying to run away from things, and you can’t run. So I taught myself, in my dreams, to just turn backwards and run, and I can run so fast. These dreams have been going on for a while, but just a couple months ago, I thought, \u2018Why do I do this?\u2019, and then I figured it\u2019s because I’m trying to run away from my past. But when I’m running, I’m still looking at it. It\u2019s always there. And since then, I\u2019ve never had a dream where I\u2019m trying to run again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Ashley’s story is part of the H is for Human series, in collaboration with the Terrence Higgins Trust, sharing stories of strength, courage and hope from four decades of HIV in Scotland.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n \n <\/svg><\/span>

H is for Human – Stories of strength, courage and hope. 40 years of HIV in Scotland<\/strong> Download the latest Humans of Scotland book<\/p>\n <\/a>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

For more information on Terrence Higgins Trust and to learn about the work they do, follow this link<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cOne day I got a phone call from the doctor, just asking me to go up and see him. I never put two and two together. I just went up on my own, not even with my partner at the time. And I was pregnant. The doctor says to me, \u2018the partner that you’re with … Continued<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":109,"featured_media":26271,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"26170,26155,26124,24164,25192,15909","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"hos-category":[839],"humans_tags":[481,828],"area_of_work":[776],"strategic_priority":[813],"class_list":["post-26270","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","hos-category-h-is-for-human-stories-of-strength-courage-and-hope","humans_tags-mental-health","humans_tags-services-and-support","area_of_work-humans-of-scotland","strategic_priority-voice-of-lived-experience"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAshley's story - Humans of Scotland<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.alliance-scotland.org.uk\/humansofscotland\/ashleys-story\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ashley's story - Humans of Scotland\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cOne day I got a phone call from the doctor, just asking me to go up and see him. 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