Ailish’s story

“You can’t really have much self pity because you need to have sympathy for others, not yourself.”

I guess it’s been my whole life. I remember when I was about five having to lift my dad’s head and put it on a pillow because he was having a seizure. I was also looking after my Uncle, who was immobile, couldn’t walk the length of his garden without help. So, I was helping him out because at the time my mum had had a partial amputation of her foot so she couldn’t walk, she couldn’t do anything really. He unfortunately passed away, and my gran and grandad become quite ill, and they couldn’t do much for themselves. They couldn’t leave the house really, so I was basically running up and down making sure they were ok and had everything they needed.

Now it’s my dad. He’s got a brain injury. He fell down a flight of stairs and hit his head off a brick wall and he’s got a metal plate in his skull. He gets seizures but they are unpredictable, he can’t pinpoint when they will happen, or what triggers them. It just happens. Just the other day I was looking at him and I froze. It comes on so quickly, you don’t even know what is happening. It was scary. My mum was obviously in the kitchen and couldn’t get through quick enough, so it was me who helped him. I had to sit and watch what happened next – I needed to monitor how long the seizures lasted. There is the pressure of like, well I’m not a doctor, so I don’t always know what’s the best thing to do.

There’s quite a lot of pressure to put on yourself to always be doing better. But I do think it’s quite a good thing, because you’re always striving to be the best version of yourself. You can look back, but you can’t really have much self -pity because you need to have sympathy for others, not yourself. That’s what we do. We aren’t allowed to have time. We’re not allowed to look after ourselves as much as we do others.

One thing that people always forget is that being a young carer means that you bond more with your family because you’re comfortable with them, and you spend so much time together. So, you have that extra bond that some kids might not have with their parents or family.

This story has been shared in connection with the ALLIANCE’s ‘Stories of Caring, A Concert for Caring Special’ showcasing the different experiences of care and caring in Scotland.

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