Bonnie’s story
"For young carers, they’ve got all those other responsibilities as well."
My role is to kind of become a friend to young carers. The way I see it is that I have to be a friend that they can trust and share with, but with the boundary of if you tell me something that could put you in danger, it’s my responsibility to then take that further. I work with a lot of different young people, so a lot of different issues come up, and for me, it’s about being non judgmental and open. That’s the way I go about it, because I never liked feeling judged when I was younger. It felt like a lot of people didn’t understand me.
I don’t want children to come in and feel that they have to speak about how they’re feeling. But if you want to, it’s an open space to do so. I very much like to do that individually. However, when you’re in my group or when I facilitate a group, I want you to come in and just be able to be yourself.
I feel like that is such an important lesson to share with young carers, especially where, you know, for most kids their life is like hanging out with their pals and going to school. But for young carers, they’ve got all those other responsibilities as well.
When I was younger, I looked up to my elders a lot because I was dealing with things that my friends and my peers didn’t know about. At that point my mum was in a wheelchair due to her spinal issue, but she was on crutches most of my childhood. To this day, she still struggles with mobility issues due to her spinal nerve damage. But when you’re dealing with that as a young person, and you’re having to help them bathe or change their clothes or cook dinner, it can be hard to relate to your peers. Your friends who aren’t doing that don’t understand what that’s like. I remember needing to ask for advice about using a washing machine, and I couldn’t go to my friends about that. But I would look to my elders to be like, oh my mom’s got this illness, so you know how this works, or where can I find this? I definitely looked up to those people who have the answers because I didn’t, and my friends certainly did not have them. And that’s exactly who I want to be for the young carers in my group.
Sometimes I’m not feeling the best and the kids always support me. They’ll get me down the sofa, and ask me how I’m feeling, so I tell them, and they give me hugs. It’s just life’s big support bubble and the kids’ are a part of that- they are looking for support and friendship. That’s it. They don’t really ask for much more.
I didn’t realise how much that space and support meant to them. The first time I realized my god, this job actually does mean a lot, was when a girl gave me a pin that said “one friend can change your life” on it. And I wear it every day, my wee badge. I don’t think she realises how much that meant to me.
They influence my life every single day – they will come to me with new music everyday, and it become a part of my daily routine to listen to songs they’re listening to. When we are at the centre, I will get the speaker out and it is like a race of who can ask me for their song first. We’ll just start a big queue of music on the playlist and they just add their songs. At the moment, Mamma Mia is the biggest hit of the week! We’ll run around the rooms singing, dancing, which is really fun for everybody, and it’s a way of bonding too. Kids love to talk about music that they found and it’s always it’s always a top priority for us, as it connects us together.
This story has been shared in connection with the ALLIANCE’s ‘Stories of Caring, A Concert for Caring Special’ showcasing the different experiences of care and caring in Scotland.
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